Off Message

So, Tony Blair’s been to see the Queen to resign as PM, and now Gordon Brown is with her being appointed as the new PM. I imagine their meeting going something like this:

GB: Ma’am, I humbly present myself as the next Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, first lord of the Treasury, and minister for the civil service.

The Queen: Oh, jolly good. I’ve always been a fan of yours, you know.

GB: Very kind of you to say so, Ma’am.

The Queen: Yes, what was the name of that television programme you used to present?

GB: …

GB: Televison programme, Ma’am?

The Queen: Yes, you know the one. Well of course you do – you presented it! It’s the one with all the clever people on it, solving puzzles and so on.

GB (confused): I… I don’t…

The Queen: Something to do with Superman… The Krypton Factor! That was it! Philip and I used to enjoy watching that with the boys. Although Charles was never terribly interested. Andrew was keen on the assault course at the end though.

GB (falling in): …I believe you’re thinking of Gordon Burns, Ma’am.

The Queen: Yes, that’s the chappy.

GB: That’s not my name.

The Queen: Oh. Well who are you, then?

GB: Gordon Brown.

The Queen: Oh. And what do you do again?

GB: Well Ma’am, as Chancellor of the Exchequer for the past ten years, I’ve ensured that you and the rest of your family can continue to live in the lavish style to which you’ve always been accustomed.

The Queen: …

The Queen: Prime Minister Brown, how lovely to see you.

After banging on about how great Arctic Monkeys were at Glastonbury on Friday – on telly, mind – news reaches me that, for the poor sods standing in the mud listening to the band live, the PA was too quiet. That explains why the crowd reaction seemed a bit muted. On BBC3, they sounded incredible. I think we can all learn a lesson here: the best place to watch a band at a festival is on TV, whilst splayed on your sofa in the comfort of your own home. Ideally with a cup of tea.

…is the day Blair officially resigns, both as PM and as an MP. So it’s out with TB, in with GB, and the nation shrugs. Having said that, watching BBC Breakfast this morning, Blair was receiving a surprising number of supportive emails from the wider public, or at least those members of the wider public mad enough to be emailing BBC Breakfast first thing in the morning. Perhaps folk aren’t quite as blind to his achievements as I thought.