Off Message

Saw a story on the news last night about how something like three-quarters of Americans are overweight or obese. Three-quarters! That’s a fuck of a lot of fatties. Al Qaeda should give up on attacking the yanks and just wait for them all to eat themselves to death. The news story also pointed out that there are many more fast food joints in poor areas of the US than in affluent areas, and as part of the ‘package’ interviewed a bunch of people on the street in a poorer area of Los Angeles. All of them said they’d eaten at McDonalds that day, or the day before, or both, and if they hadn’t eaten at McDonalds, they’d eaten at… wait for it… Fatburger. Fatburger! There’s a fast food chain called Fatburger! I mean, Jesus. Talk about does what it says on the tin.

How are you? Everything okay? I have a bit of a headache. Also, I’m filled with a deep sense of dread and foreboding. Actually that’s not true. In fact, I’m filled with nothing more than a general blankness and a feeling of lethargy. But being filled with a deep sense of dread and foreboding struck me as being slightly more interesting than being filled with nothing more than a general blankness and a feeling of lethargy. So I plumped for the former. Now, however, my ruse has crumbled about me like a big sandcastle of lies assaulted by the sea of truth. And I only have myself to blame.

Fnur. Pffft.

EEEEEEEYYYAAAUUUWWWWWWW!!

Plop. 

It’s working again. Lemme just wipe this egg off my face.

but now the ‘pageview’ counter’s stopped working again. Blog.com, you truly are rubbish. I know Off Message is supposed to be self-referential, but if I have to spend all my time writing about the various quirks and malfunctions of the Blog.com system, this blog is going to get even more bollock-crushingly boring than it is already. And nobody wants that, do they?

Do they…?

The ‘previous posts’ link is back. Scroll down to the last post on this page and you’ll see it. Well I never.

Driving back up from the country this evening, I was suddenly struck by the number of low rent pondlife fuckwits that live round my way, pissed up and shambling about in vests and sportswear, lurching and leering and generally making the place look even shabbier than it actually is or needs to be. 

Oh well. Time for tea. 

Well that’s a relief. Osama’s back! Thank God – sorry, Allah – for that. I was getting worried there. D’you know, it’s been three years since his last video message. Three years! Honestly, it’s almost as bad as waiting for new seasons of The Wire. But at least we know the old chap’s alright. Although… something about him feels… different… Hmm. Let’s have a look at his last best-selling video appearance, from 2004:

There he is, beard greying, looking a bit dishevelled after being hounded across the Afghan/Pakistan border by the CIA, US special forces and Christopher Hitchens. And now let’s have a butcher’s at him in his latest, soon-to-be-best-selling video:

He’s dyed his beard! Osama Bin Laden’s dyed his beard! BWAHAHAHAHA!

What a great big jessy.

round here, isn’t it?