Off Message

So how completely, barnstormingly brilliant has Doctor Who been recently? The third season has been absolutely stuffed with the kind of nerdgasm moments (Daleks! The Master! That Blink episode!) and uber plot twists guaranteed to make those of us who grew up with Who splatter our pants with excitement. The last two Master-centric episodes have had me almost squealing with joy; even though I knew the Doctor’s nemesis was returning, the Derek Jacobi reveal still completely wrong-footed me, and John Sim’s Master has turned out to be delightfully, utterly barking.

Yes, yes, I know: I’m a sad bastard. I care not. Best thing on telly by a country mile.

My sister went to see Shrek 3 last night. She went with her youngest son, who expressly stated beforehand that she wasn’t allowed to ask any questions. See, my sister has the attention span of a gnat; always has. I recall going to see Back to the Future 2 with her when we were kids. Now, even someone thoroughly versed in the semiotics of cinema would have a tough time working out what the hell’s going on in that film on first viewing; that’s kind of the point of it – you don’t really know what’s happening until the pay-off in the third instalment. But did that stop my sister asking endless questions? No, it did not. “Who’s that? What’s happening there? Why are they doing that?” On and on it went, until by the end of the film I had vowed never to go to the cinema with her again.

Clearly she hasn’t improved over time. Only her youngest dares to go to the pictures with her these days, and even he has to lay down ground rules. She told me today that she still had to ask a couple of questions. I mean, I haven’t seen Shrek 3, but surely it can’t be that hard to keep up with. There really is no hope for her.

As an aside, she once told me her favourite film of all time – of all time, mind – is Elf.

Yes, Elf.

I wonder sometimes if we truly are related.

no. Just the one entry, again at the top of the list (and the ‘recently updated’ list shows six recently updated blogs, not five; get your facts straight). Conceivably I suppose the views Off Message gets straight after I post come from appearing on that list. How tremendously exciting.

Just clicked on the ‘recently updated’ link on the blog.com start page, and there I was: Off Message, the most recently updated blog in the UK on this system, number one of five. If I post this quickly, will I get two entries on the chart? Let’s see.

I’ll have an apple.

That doesn’t count, surely. 

On to more mundane matters.

Not sure who established this – someone in the office, possibly Ned or Sharon (of the shed) – but somewhere along the line it was deemed improper to eat one’s lunch before 12 o’clock. (This came about because we were always telling each other on IM how hungry we were of a morning.) Which means I have nearly 20 minutes before I can attack mine, even though I’m starving.

Stupid 12 o’clock rule.

I suppose the actual big news this weekend – politically at least – was Gordon’s coronation as leader of the Labour Party (and, later this week, as Prime Minister), and Harriet Harman’s election as Deputy Leader and Party Chair.

I’ve not really blogged about TB’s departure or Gordon’s arrival. I started writing a post on the day Blair officially resigned, but never finished it; I saved it as a draft, wanting to think it through some more, and then it just sat there for a few days until it was too late to post it. But watching Blair hand over to Brown at the Labour conference in Manchester, listening to Gordon’s acceptance speech, and reading about the bounce in the polls in The Observer, it brought it home to me once again how much better this country is since Labour came to power.

As far as I’m concerned, you’d have to have been trapped in a sensory deprivation tank not to have noticed the very real and positive changes Labour have wrought over the last ten years. And it seems many people have, judging by the grumbling from friends and acquaintances. Iraq has soured things, sure, but the complaining and kvetching seems to go deeper than that. Either people have very short memories, or they’re so cocooned in their own little worlds, so unquestioning and introspective that they don’t see how things have improved.

You can spout statistics till the cows come home, have their tea, get dolled up, go out on the town, get arseholed, get into a fight, stop off at casualty and come home again, but for me the benefits take a very concrete form. My sister was a single working mum when TB and GB came to power; her life and the lives of her kids were improved immeasurably by tax credits. It’s the less-well off that have gained the most from Labour being in power, something the middle classes don’t seem to understand; or at least they don’t make the connection between paying more tax (Brown’s so-called ’stealth taxes’) and that extra money being redistributed to the have-nots.

Redistribution of wealth has always been the agenda with this government; has always been Labour’s agenda; is what Gordon Brown has always strived for and will continue to strive for. That has always been the choice: a better life for all of us under Labour, or for just some of us under the Tories. That, as ever, will be the choice at the next election.

Ooh, bit of politics, as Ben Elton used to say. 

…we’re like that.

(Actually, how do you represent crossing your fingers in a ‘we’re tight’ manner in the form of text? One to ponder there…)

Yes, the big news of the weekend is I am now friends with journalist and author Nick Cohen. Well, on Facebook at least. I’ve banged on about him before here, so I won’t bore you again (other than to urge you to read the above book). Suffice it to say I have now moved into the inner (well, outer really) circle of British politics. Before long I will have the ear of Gordon Brown, you mark my words. Not sure what I’ll do with it when I do have it, mind. Tickle his lobe, perhaps.

By the way, Cohen was particularly sharp on the Rushdie Knighthood ‘controversy’ in The Observer yesterday. Go read.

Watching Arctic Monkeys headline Glastonbury last night (and by ‘watching’ I mean ‘on telly’; you’re not getting me back to the actual festival anytime soon), it struck me that, quite apart from sounding newly immense, they must be the fastest band ever to have topped the bill. Most of the tracks on ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’ are pretty fucking fast in the first place, but last night they played them like a bunch of speeding (in every sense) joyriders doing a ton through a Croydon council estate. In other words, a lot faster than on the record.

Of course, playing very fast indeed has always been the way in indie circles. But contrast that with your usual Glastonbury headliners: Coldplay, Oasis, Muse and the like; the epitome of plod-rock. So do Arctic Monkeys represent a real change, or are they just a blip on the radar? Future festivals will tell, I guess.

Another random comment I see (post below post below this one). Blogger Girl, if you’re real and you read this, I had a quick look at your blog, and my advice is to keep it up. Despite my previous post, at least blogging does get you writing, and if we’re all going to be spending the bulk of our lives twatting about online, which, judging by the majority of my friends, it seems we are, we might as well try and do something mildly creative at the same time. Oh, and stop looking at your boyfriend’s ass. You’re far too young for that sort of thing.

So, intriguingly, these days I seem to be getting a load of views of Off Message before I even log in. Which means someone’s either getting up bloody early to have a read, or we have some overseas viewers. Or it’s neither of those options, in which case I’ll shut the fuck up.