Off Message

Today The Observer published a list of the top 50 most powerful blogs. Predictably, Off Message was nowhere to be seen, and there is a good reason for this. Actually, there are many good reasons for this, but let’s concentrate on one for now, else I’m likely to slump into a Sunday funk that will ruin the remainder of the afternoon.

What these 50 most powerful blogs have in common is they all spring from a good idea, or at least an idea that no one else had either thought to blog about up to that point, or had done so so ineptly and amateurishly that it was only a matter of time before someone with more braincells or more money swanned in and grabbed all the glory. The ideas range from blogging about the New York media to writing about dating mishaps to posting pictures of smiling cats with daft captions, but it’s that word, ‘ideas’, that’s the key.

See, Off Message will never rank among the most powerful, or popular, or even enjoyable blogs, because (among, as I mentioned above, many, many other deficiencies), it is singularly bereft of ideas. I’d be tempted to liken the writing of this blog to a mundane, faintly unpleasant yet sometimes strangely pleasurable bodily function – taking a shit, say. Except, unlike Off Message, that’s actually a vital and necessary event, and certainly a lot more regular.

In fact, there is one bodily activity that this blog resembles. It’s an activity that has no real worth or merit, offering only a fleeting moment of pleasure, swiftly followed by a period of self loathing and disgust that darkens the mind and corrupts the soul. Yes, you guessed it – Off Message is rather like having a wank: essentially, it’s a load of old toss.