Off Message

Apparently, today is That Day. According to the BBC anyway. Or rather, according to “psychologists”. Which psychologists? How many? Five? Ten? Seven hundred and fifty-seven? Was there some big psychologists convention where all the psychologists IN THE WORLD met up in the hotel bar, got drunk and decided to dub a day The Most Depressing Day of the Year, FOR A LAUGH?

There are criteria, again according to the BBC and these so-called psychologists. The factors are: “weather, debt, time since Christmas, time since failing our New Year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and the feeling of a need to take action.” And to be fair, it is pissing down right now and dark already; I am horribly in debt; Christmas is a dim memory; I’m still masturbating into my girlfriend’s soiled panties when she’s not around; I can’t be arsed to finish this sen—

So five out of six ain’t bad. Well done, “psychologists”.

I’d forgotten all about this bloody thing. And look: now it’s 2009. We appear to be in the future. Which, out here in the sticks, looks remarkably like the past.

It’s good to know that in the six months since I last posted anything here, my innate profundity hasn’t deserted me.