Off Message

have moved to a new system or some technical shit like that and now I can’t log into my blog on Firefox. I’m having to go through Safari instead. Not that this is a huge effort; it just took me over a week to work out how to get round it. Mind you, now that I have, I find I have nothing terribly interesting to say. As usual.

I am eating a Twix. I am biting off the biscuit base and then eating the caramel topping, like a five-year-old. I am unapologetic about this.

Avast me hearties. Splice the mainsail. Shiver me timbers. Arr.

Blog view stats have dropped back down to disappointing/negligible levels. I must find something interesting/outrageous to write about. Like, er…

No, I’m drawing a blank.

In other news, there are only three episodes of Eli Stone left for the Sci-Fi Channel to show. I’ve become strangely addicted to what is essentially Aly McBeel with a twist. In my defence, Mark Verheiden is one of the producers behind it, and he’s a solid writer – his Squadron Supreme: Hyperion Vs. Nighthawk comics miniseries was far better than it needed to be. But still. Eli Stone is a law show. I’ll be watching Law & Order next.

No, I really won’t.

back’s killing me. Jesus.

Another spike in the number of views. Interesting…

Well, not that interesting. At least, not to anyone other than me. And not even to me that much either.

am I not a magnificent specimen? Is my hair not pleasing to the eye? And my armour not especially grand and gleaming? Truly, I am a vision.

the Cantonese word for ‘hello’ is very close to the word for female genitalia. Also, the Cantonese word for ‘lighter’ is very close to the word for male self-pleasuring.

So if you’re ever in China, and happen to say to someone, “Hello, can I use your lighter,” you might actually be saying “Can I masturbate into your vagina?”

so the new look is showing up now. Although it’s not radically different to previous ‘new looks’. In fact, I think I’ve had this template (and definitely those clouds) before.

Is this of interest to anyone but me?

No.

Do I care?

No.

But if I don’t care, why am I asking myself these questions in the first place?

I… I don’t know.

Should I stop asking myself questions?

Yes. Please stop. It’s getting a little strange. I’m… I feel like I’m splitting into two people.

Two people?

Yes, two peo– now stop that. I asked you to stop. I mean I asked me to stop.

So what you’re saying is, you want me to stop?

DON’T LIKE IT DON’T LIKE IT.

…

I’d better stop.

but now I think about it, I did twitter about this blog yesterday. I guess that might account for the increased views. Duh.

Also, I really should be doing something other than pissing about on the internet.

And, I changed the design of Off Message, but it only seems to be showing up on older posts.

…

So I’m still pissing about on the internet.

…

And not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

…

Fuck it. It’s Friday.