Off Message

am I not a magnificent specimen? Is my hair not pleasing to the eye? And my armour not especially grand and gleaming? Truly, I am a vision.

the Cantonese word for ‘hello’ is very close to the word for female genitalia. Also, the Cantonese word for ‘lighter’ is very close to the word for male self-pleasuring.

So if you’re ever in China, and happen to say to someone, “Hello, can I use your lighter,” you might actually be saying “Can I masturbate into your vagina?”

so the new look is showing up now. Although it’s not radically different to previous ‘new looks’. In fact, I think I’ve had this template (and definitely those clouds) before.

Is this of interest to anyone but me?

No.

Do I care?

No.

But if I don’t care, why am I asking myself these questions in the first place?

I… I don’t know.

Should I stop asking myself questions?

Yes. Please stop. It’s getting a little strange. I’m… I feel like I’m splitting into two people.

Two people?

Yes, two peo– now stop that. I asked you to stop. I mean I asked me to stop.

So what you’re saying is, you want me to stop?

DON’T LIKE IT DON’T LIKE IT.

…

I’d better stop.

but now I think about it, I did twitter about this blog yesterday. I guess that might account for the increased views. Duh.

Also, I really should be doing something other than pissing about on the internet.

And, I changed the design of Off Message, but it only seems to be showing up on older posts.

…

So I’m still pissing about on the internet.

…

And not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

…

Fuck it. It’s Friday.

The number of views of Off Message jumped astronomically yesterday. What the hell happened? I’d managed to run the audience for this ridiculous blog down to virtually nothing via a combination of writing utter rubbish and, perhaps more pertinently, not blogging at all, but yesterday the views bar shot up. Where’s this new audience come from? I’m slightly mystified.

Well, whoever you all are, doubtless you won’t be back again now you’ve realised what a colossal waste of time Off Message is. Move along, nothing to see here…